Gone
by LoquaciousLycanthropic
Summary: Ed and Al are gone, leaving the wounds on a certain Colonel wide open. Songfic to 4am Forever. After the movie. RoyXEd. Somewhat onesided.


Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor do I own the song, 4am Forever, no matter how much I wish I could say I was creative enough to own them. However, Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa and 4am Forever belongs to Lost Prophets.

* * *

_Yesterday I lost my closest friend,  
Yesterday I wanted time to end.  
I wonder if my heart will ever mend,  
I just let you slip away.  
4am forever._

It was only yesterday that Edward and Alphonse had disappeared again, and I was the only one who knew where they had gone. People tried asking me, and I tried telling them.

But, they didn't understand.

A world where there is no alchemy? They asked. How is that possible?

I didn't know an answer to that. I just shrugged and continued on my way to wherever I was going, trying not to let my feelings show.

The truth is, as soon as the Elrics disappeared into that ship, I wanted time to end. I didn't want to go through the rest of my life without those two lively boys. I just couldn't do it. I counted on Ed to keep me young, I counted on him to help me keep my tongue sharp, and I counted on him to be one of the people to help push me to the top.

And Alphonse. The poor boy that had traveled as armor all those years, and, when he had finally gotten his body back, his brother had vanished

I can't believe I let them go. I can't believe they just…slipped away.

And I can't believe it was my entire fault.

_Maybe I'll never see you smile again,  
__Maybe you thought that it was all pretend.  
__All these words that I can never say,  
__I just let them slip away.  
__4am forever._

No one really knew it, but I loved Ed's smile. It was a rare luxury, and beautiful when seen.

And, now I would never see it again.

I can't help but wonder if maybe Al thought it was all pretend when he followed his brother. Maybe he thought they would could close the gate from our side and come back perfectly.

But I knew it was real. They were never coming back. I would close the gate on this side, and that would be that.

I wanted to tell them both everything that I had never told them.

I wanted to tell Ed about how I really felt about him. That I didn't hate him. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

And, I wanted to tell Al. I wanted to ask him if he would be ok if I ask his brother out. I wanted to know if he could be ok with it- with us.

But, I couldn't now. After all, they were gone. They slipped away.

And now, I don't want to go on.

_Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you? (to you)  
__Why don't you listen when I try to make it through? (to you)  
__Good bye, g__oodbye,  
__Goodbye, y__ou never know.  
__Hold a little tighter.  
__4am forever._

I never did understand how Edward couldn't see the signs that I was sending him. I mean, sure, I was horrible to him at times, but I still let him have a loose leash. One that even my other subordinates didn't get, one that no one in the military got, except, maybe the Fuhrer himself.

How couldn't he see it? How couldn't he understand it? I was almost certain that Alphonse did. He cornered me numerous times about it, but I never told him the truth.

And now, he'd never know. Alphonse would always have to live on guesses about how I felt about Edward Elric.

And Edward…well, he'd never know. He'd always think I hated him, only kept him as a subordinate because of his abilities.

_Maybe one day when I can move along,  
__Maybe someday when you can hear this song,  
__You won't let it slip away.  
__4am forever._

I seriously doubt I could ever move on. I don't think I could ever forget about the two, famous (or infamous, as some cases may be), boys who used to be military dogs. The two boys who would not give up and were always searching for ways to get their bodies back.

Maybe, someday, I'd find a way to get to Edward and Alphonse. Maybe, someday, I could figure out a way to bring them back to Amestris.

If I did, I know I wouldn't let them slip away again. I couldn't.

I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

_And I wish the sun  
__Would never come  
__Its 4am and you are done_

Every night, when I go to bed, I wish the sun wouldn't come. I wish it be night for the rest of my life. That way, I could dream.

I would dream about the boys coming back. They'd come back and stay. They wouldn't go looking for more things to get in trouble with, they'd stay here, with me. Never leave me again.

I hate the sun, now. It takes away my dreams. It means time for work. And work means memories of the Elrics. But I can't resign. I'm General, now. And, when I get to the top, I'll change everything. Just like the Elrics would want it.

_I hope you know  
__You're letting go  
__Its 4am and I'm alone._

On the other side of the gate, Ed might be letting go of my world, _his _world. He might be letting go of everyone he knew: Winry, Riza, Pinako, Rose, and me. But I could never let go of him. Never. And the others couldn't either.

_Why don't hear me when I'm calling out to you? (to you)  
__Why don't you listen when I try to make it through? (to you)  
__Goodbye, g__oodbye,  
__Goodbye, y__ou never know.  
__Hold a little tighter._

I call out every night, hoping someone will hear me, hoping someone will bring the Elrics back to me. But, no one hears.

I call out louder, hoping Edward will hear. I tell him I love him, I ask him not to leave, to come back.

He doesn't answer.

I call to Alphonse. I ask him to come back. I ask him to please bring his brother. I ask him to please tell Ed how I felt. To please tell him all his suspicions.

But no one answers.

Then, I call out goodbye. Goodbye, Edward Elric. I'm sorry you never knew. I'm sorry I was a bastard. I'm so sorry.

Goodbye Alphonse Elric. You never really knew either and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't help you more. If I had, you might have had your body back before you did.

And I'm sorry for everything that ever happened to both boys.

And, I hold on a little tighter. I can't let go. I can't let them go completely. I hold on to the hope that they might come back even tighter.

Even though I know they _can't_ come back. Ever.

_Why don't hear me when I'm calling out to you? (to you)  
__Why don't you listen when I try to make it through? (to you)  
__Goodbye, g__oodbye,  
__Goodbye, y__ou never know.  
__Hold a little tighter.  
__4am forever…_

Goodbye, Edward Elric, Goodbye, Alphonse. I'll miss you both, as will the rest of the people you knew. We feel we can't live without the Elrics, but, somehow, we'll make it. For you. Like you would want us to.

Goodbye.

* * *

A/N: I'm really sorry if you think this is total crap, because I like it. Ok, so I think the ending is a little cheesy, but all and all, I think this is one of my better EdXRoy fanfics. So, um...if you read this story and if you like- hell, even if you don't like it- please review! All reviews welcome, even flames. Thanks. 

--LL


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